CW: Mental health, gender transition, pandemic, burnout

Summer

Fall

Winter

Spring

This summer marks our first year of living in NYC. But before delving into our whirlwind adventures and experiences, here’s an introduction to why and how we moved across the country, navigating a global crisis, Alexa’s gender transition, and ongoing economic challenges.

Drawn to the City Lights

Our initial motivation to move to New York City was nothing one hasn’t heard of before. Out of the countless movies set in New York that I’d seen growing up in the Philippines, 13 going on 30, The Devil Wears Prada and Sex and the City were the main culprits of romanticizing what life could be like in NYC. Similarly, Alexa, who grew up in San Antonio, Texas, was no stranger to the promise of an exciting life in The Big Apple.

My first visit in NYC for my 26th bday. *October, 2017.*

By the time we started dating in 2017, we had gone on trips to the city separately and fallen in love with its bustling energy, art and cultural diversity, and the endless opportunities it presented. We bonded over our shared value of living an adventurous life. So, even though we had made a home in San Francisco, we were ready for what was next.

We began seriously considering our move in 2019. By that point, I had already been living in California for a decade as an artist-activist, with both triumphant and traumatic experiences under my belt. Alexa had spent 4 years in San Francisco, having left her hometown to pursue a career in tech as a software engineer. She also began Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) early that year, which further motivated us to start a new life in a different city. We told ourselves we’d be living in NYC by 2021. So, in March 2020, we began searching for our new neighborhood.

Our Failed Attempt

A hopeful post a week before lockdowns began

We all know what happened in March of 2020. Before the city shut down, we spent over a week exploring potential neighborhoods, immersing ourselves in the local art and culture, fueling our excitement and motivation.

That was our last glimpse of the pre-pandemic New York City. As soon as we returned to San Francisco, we quarantined ourselves and put our dreams of living in NYC on hold indefinitely. It took another two years to revisit our plans, and during that time, despite the world being at a standstill, so much had transpired.

The lockdowns took a heavy toll on my mental health, put a strain on my relationships, and led to unpredictable remote work hours—challenges that I’m sure many people find relatable. To try to mitigate some of them, we bought a used car and traded our spacious but dark studio in San Francisco for a more affordable, sun-drenched 1-bedroom apartment in Oakland. I also took on a full-time job so that I didn’t feel pressured to seize every freelance opportunity in the midst of the pandemic’s uncertainties. On top of all this, Alexa had four gender-affirming surgeries in 2021, not long after two emergency room visits stemming from her mental health and other health issues. We held back from seeking much support from our community, not wanting to add to the collective stress of the pandemic. Needless to say, we had all the ingredients for burnout.

We Just Had to Get Out

Despite the challenges we were facing and the news of how much the pandemic has transformed New York City, our desire to move had not died. In the fall of 2021, we returned to NYC, this time with a stash of face masks and COVID tests, to see for ourselves how much the city had changed.

As visitors, we didn’t perceive a drastic difference from our last pre-pandemic visit. If any city could withstand a global crisis, it would be New York. It still felt like a place where we wanted to put down roots. Our dreams of relocating there were reawakened, but our jobs held us back from making the jump. Yet staying in the Bay Area became increasingly painful for Alexa. Struggling with her social transition, she felt a pressing need for us to start afresh in a location where we could foster a community that genuinely affirms her gender. Similarly for me, the weight of painful memories accumulated over my 13-year journey in California was becoming too much to bear. What had initially been spurred by childhood dreams and a hunger for new adventures had transformed into an urgent necessity.

Taking the Leap

In the spring of 2022, two years after our first attempt, we returned to NYC to continue our search for our new neighborhood. This refueled our motivation to plan our move more seriously. In the following months, I wrapped up my freelance projects and quit my full-time job, while Alexa switched to a team that’s based in New York, along with a relocation package. We bought our flights, sold/donated half of our belongings, and said goodbye to as many loved ones as we could gather. Propelled by our desire to get out of the Bay Area, we planned the entire move in about 6 weeks. Everything felt abrupt, but we had waited long enough.

Our First Year in NYC

We often hear that New York is a fast-paced city. To us, that seems an understatement. In just over a year of living here, we’ve felt time moving at warp speed. We’ve encountered all sorts of people, experienced a series of WILD adventures, and grappled with intense highs and lows. In the span of that year, we relocated four times between Manhattan and Brooklyn before finding our current home in Bushwick, Brooklyn. As two queer individuals seeking exhilarating life experiences, we feel right where we’re meant to be. Yet, this city seldom offers a moment’s rest. In my first few months here, I was recovering from burnout and forging new friendships, while Alexa took disability leave for her mental health. The challenges of the past few years have left us drained, but in a city that epitomizes American capitalism and consumerism, there’s little room to pause. Alexa returned to work but is now back on disability, while my job hunt has been a huge challenge given the state of the job market. But a glimmer of hope: as I write this, I’m excited to share that I just received a job offer as a remote video editor for a travel company. I haven’t entirely shaken off the burnout, but in a city as pricey as New York, there’s little choice but to keep going.

What the Future Holds

Alexa’s recovery is an ongoing journey, and I’m about to begin another with a new job opportunity on the horizon. Even with everything we’ve experienced in NYC so far, there’s still so much more to discover. In a city that attracts artists, performers, and thinkers from all over the world, the possibilities are boundless. Now in our 30s, we are learning to pace ourselves to live here more sustainably. We’re currently facing challenges in forging deep, authentic relationships in a city brimming with go-getters. But with effort and intentionality, I’m optimistic about expanding our chosen family. Our story continues to unfold, but in just over a year, we’ve learned so much about this place. New York City is truly special, and we’re determined to thrive here, on our own terms.

Thanks for reading! More stories coming soon. To support my work, please feel free to donate here.

Blog

We moved to NYC from SF to Reinvent Ourselves