Before We Begin: An Important Note

The Power of Storytelling

The path of supporting Alexa through her gender transition has been as transformative for me as it has been for her. Yet, the journey has often felt isolating and lonely. I share our stories not only as a form of self-expression, but also as an additional tool for someone else who might be feeling alienated, or even confused, in supporting their transitioning loved one.

Each Journey is Unique

While I open up about our shared journey, remember that each experience is deeply personal. There is no one way to transition or to be trans, and so there is no one way to support them. Our stories might resonate with you, but your journey will undoubtedly be unique.

This is My Truth

Everything I share here has Alexa’s consent. However, I narrate solely from my perspective, detailing our shared experiences from the very beginning of her transition nearly five years ago. If you’re curious about Alexa’s perspective, you can follow her here.

Breaking Taboos

We hope to normalize discussions on gender transition and mental health, topics that are often considered taboo. But please know that we maintain our boundaries. Some details, especially those concerning our loved ones, remain private.

Compassion and Curiosity

While vulnerability can pave the way to community, the internet can also breed an unsafe environment. I encourage everyone to communicate with compassion and a desire to understand, rather than to judge or make assumptions. Transphobia, queerphobia, misogyny, and other forms of aggressive behaviors will not be tolerated.

Guided Reflections

My reflections are guided by D. M. Maynard’s The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People, though I’m only sharing what feels right. If you’re interested, you can check out the book here. I’ll preface my posts with content warnings, and if anything feels overwhelming, give yourself the space to step back.

These stories are steeped in pain, loss and grief, but also of growth, joy, and liberation. I hope they offer you insights, solace, and perhaps a sense of connection.

About Us

Lastly, our experiences and perspectives are influenced by our cultural, economic and career backgrounds. I was born and raised in a working class, Catholic family in the Philippines, immigrated to the United States at 18, and didn’t identify as pansexual until I was 25.

Alexa was born and raised in a Mexican-American family in San Antonio, a military base in Texas. Her father is a retired, ex-military cop, and her mother is a homemaker. Being mixed race, she’s been perceived as different races throughout her life. For the past several years, she has increasingly become white-passing.

When we met in San Francisco in 2017, I was a community artist-activist and I had been living in California for 8 years, while Alexa had been residing in San Francisco for about 2 years as a software engineer for a well-known tech company. We are approaching our 6th anniversary and are now living in Brooklyn, NY.